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| "Family Chaos" circa 2004 |
There are these illogical and unreasonable fears about my kids seeping into my thoughts lately. However, whether this little tidbit will tip the scales in favor of the "yes, you are insane" side is not known. And I have some reparations to make.
We went for a post-dinner swim at the town pool yesterday and my son Mack swallowed a little too much pool water. Disgusting for just about any normal person to ingest, it is more so for a child with a strong gag reflex. So Dave had to rush him to the men's locker room for a post-swimming up-chuck. Masana was not pleased at all. She was completely unsympathetic because occurrences such as these usually mean we have to go home immediately. Without drying off, Masana put her clothes on and walked out the building with me nipping at her heel.
And at bedtime, this event set my wheels spinning in overdrive just as my head hit the pillow. I worried about Mack and his caloric intake. And his teeth. And the lining of his esophagus. And the possibility of bulimia. And vomiting when I'm not around to help him. And so many other far-reaching scenarios that, if said aloud rather than kept as inner monologue, would make one think that I was going to put that boy in a bubble.
And then there was Masana and how she just walked out of a building without thinking of the consequences. Did she know I would chase after her? Did she care? Or was she just overtaken by her anger that she couldn't think straight? And what if something happened to her? What if I couldn't catch up to her? What if she did that again when I wasn't around? Oh, those questions were burning a hole in my heart and I began to cry (like I really needed another reason to cry, darnit!).
And then I silently talked to my Mom in my head. Oh, Mom. I'm sorry for all the times I told you that you worried too much. You were not crazy for putting those silly Ann Landers columns on the fridge when she gave advice to those mothers. I understand now! Boy, was I a putz. And I'm sorry that I never got a chance to say that you were right.
When the kids woke up this morning, I gave them extra kisses. But I tried not to hug them too hard. They are happy and healthy and safe. And I'm just a normal mom with normal fears.